What to Wear to a Music Festival that Takes Place in a Parking Lot

Welcome back fashionistas. This week Sarah and I will be addressing WHAT TO WEAR TO A MUSIC FESTIVAL THAT TAKES PLACE IN A PARKING LOT.

I'm sure all of you have seen "The Hills" star, Whitney Port's highly publicized article on what to wear to the Coachella Music Festival. She offered some unprecedented tips and tricks of surviving these huge music orgies like:

"Tip #2: ... NO SANDALS! Your feet will be covered in dirt within the first hour."

"Tip #7: If you are hungry, eat spicy pizza"

And music tips like:

"1. Jay-Z – Jay-Z is king."

and

"5. MGMT – “Electric Feel” was probably the song of the decade for many of you."

Although she pretty much created the essential vade mecum for festival-goers, we would like to add a few addendums through our past experience at the 2010 BAMBOOZLE FESTIVAL.

So sarah, whats up?

Hey, Neil! The fashion industry is always buzzing when it comes to festivals! These are the places were street fashion meets high style. With so many different kinds of people in one small space (in this case, a parking lot in New Jersey), there are a lot of different fashions represented. I think we all did a great job of highlighting very different kinds of festival fashions with the looks we rocked.

Cool, me too. All right! Let's get started. So when you're thinking about going to a music festival the first thing you need is alcohol. It was 11am on a Sunday so we first went to CVS and bought two 18-packs of budlight.
We carried them on the subway 4o mins to another part of town, were we picked up my car. Sarah bought four small bottles of liquor: three Jack Daniels, and one Vodka for good measure. She also brought a flask of rum from home. (designer drugs are optional, but encouraged.)

BOYS / GIRLS

Neil: 1. Wear Shorts - I had jeans on that day, so I cut them off. Voila! Shorts! It's also good to have a friend dress exactly like you so you can justify yourself through "he made me do it, i don't know."

Sarah: 1. Wear a flowy skirt/dress - You want optimal movement at a music festival, that's why flowy skirts are key. I also chose to wear two mismatched patterns. This way, I not only look hot but can also easily be picked out of a crowd when separated from the rest of my group.

2. Relevant but not Too Relevant Tee - I chose to wear a ATO Records tee-shirt which shows that I'm into good music -- music that's probably better than the music that will be at the festival. It proves that I am more mature and generally superior to those around me.

2. Tank-t0p with Bikini Underneath - Wearing a bikini top is a MUST for festival girls. Are you going to be hot and sweaty when you're being crushed by crowd surfers at MGMT. You will sweat so much that you're gonna be pretty sure that you have completely evaporated. Don't ruin your favorite bra trying to cute; festival crowds are equivalent to immersing yourself in a swimming pool.

3. Sandals - because who cares if your feet get dirty. Also, you don't want a sock tan.

3. Sandals - because it's 95 degrees in this fucking parking lot. I'm judging you for wearing boots.

4. Smart Phone - I brought my Droid. This enables you to actually get to the festival without getting lost. Also serves as a way to gather drunk girls' phone numbers on the way out of the festival; take pictures and videos; and twitter incessantly.

4. Normal Phone - actually, my normal phone died while we were there. Don't bring a normal phone; they're useless.

5. Sunglasses- cause it's bright, also you don't want people to see how bloodshot your eyes are.

5. Sunglasses - because it's bright out, and you don't want anyone to know how high you are right now.

6. A Hot Girl - Always bring a hot girl, preferably as young as possible to use as bait, and make people feel bad when you shove her to the front of crowds, while you follow in her wake. We found this one on the upper east side; here she is posing against a blue Volkswagen Beetle in the parking lot. (Bonus points if she's "exotic" looking)



Hot girl's duties also include making sex-eyes at the artists on stage, and flirting with them after the show.

6. A Hot Girl - Is useful for pushing to the front of the crowd. You will be leaning on the stage while T. Mills (pictured above) raps a suggestive freestyle verse about you. You will be confused when the rapper's photographer takes your picture for the website. You will be excited when they let you rap into the mic.

ALL RIGHT! So when you get in to the festival finally, things usually change, and so will your outfit. It's important to be flexible at all times.

EW FASHION RULE #3: VERSATILITY

Finding myself on Girl Talk's stage during his set, I thought it'd be the prime time to do a complete SHIRT REVERSAL to something more relevant to the the artist: a "Got Six?" Pittsburgh Steelers Tee. This new look identifies myself as a fellow yinzer to Girl Talk; it shows that I understand him as a person on a much deeper level and thus his music in more meaningful ways. Most importantly this creates a talking point when we meet post-show.

*ACTUAL POST-SHOW TRANSCRIPT*

Neil: "Hi I'm Neil, I'm Jess Cole's best friend!"
[shake hands]

GT: "Oh, nice"
[Girl Talk resumes conversation with other people]

On stage, you will have many opportunities to diversify your outfit using materials around you. Coupling this raw-material goldmine with the high euphoria you will be experiencing will free your cognitive faculties -- and your style will transcend the chains of societal expectations into pure highly-conceptual couture.




Things will start to become hazy. You will continue to sip from the whiskey you sneaked onstage. You may leave your physical body.


Weird celebrities will appear and disappear in front of you. You will be unable to "fucking believe this is happening."

You will try to keep your cool. Even though they are grinding on you and screaming in your face.

You will be confused. Is this Ke$ha? Who the fuck is Ke$ha?

The music will stop.
People will walk off-stage.
The "hot girl" you brought along will scream your name from the crowd, as you're still standing there, with nowhere to go.
You will wave to the hot girl.
You will be happy.



Later, in the day, you will eat mayo out of a huge jar.


You will remember this festival forever because of the crazy things you did. And crazy people you saw. But most importantly because you...

looked good doing it.

This post is dedicated to Sarene Fisher.

;) !! :p !